It is not easy to assess the situation. Excuses are easy to make and do not help anyone.
Yes – It was hot. Yes – I did not feel great. Yes – I drank to much and Yes – my head was not up for a marathon in they way i wanted it to be. At the end i have to be honest to myself. At the moment i am not up for a marathon. I am not up to take the pain that i need to for 42k – that’s it.
I wanted to get a good time in a race i really love, on a course that is fast and fair. I made it to the startline well prepared. The training could have been a bit better but overall i thought i am fit enough to break the 2:45. Just from the start i was running in a good group. Some dutch elite women had a really good pacer and i enjoyed the freedom of that well paced group. Just after the half marathon mark when i had a little low my head gave in and stopped my legs. I never question the situation and gave up.
The lady at the aid station gave me one of the Pacer Water bottles and i jogged back to the Erasmus bridge where my dad was waiting anxiously. I was empty and disappointed. The pressure i put on myself was too high and i forgot to enjoy what i love to do – Running.